Modern Love

We notice there are so many people failing at love every chance that they get. You have to console your best friend numerous times after she gets her heart broken or you have to convince your boy there is someone else better out there… but all we are doing is avoiding what is truly right in front of us. Today, in the 21st century, why have we forgotten how to love and what love actually is?

We think of love as something that should come easily. Love can be easy, it’s true, but our idea of “easy” is not having to invest our time into making a relationship work because we rarely have to invest our time in life. We want everything to come easily. We might not think that we are quitters when it comes to love, but unfortunately, we are. All it takes is a single challenge to frustrate us and make us give up. We don’t let our love grow; we let it go because we compare it to what social media or the internet supplies us with. We are taught our fears are a way to escape and avoid actually working to bond and form a connection with another person. Then, we erase the chances of forming a relationship because we continue to play games and bask in our own fears. Both people end up losing. We want a relationship without the work or risks involved in a real one. We want the hand-holding for a moment, we want the comfort for a moment, we want the affection for a moment, we want the attention for a moment, but we don’t want the work that is required to build a real relationship.

Ultimately, we live our lives just for that moment without really working towards a clear goal. It is not love we’re looking for; it’s the chase and the thrill of life for that moment. So many of us want someone to Netflix and chill with but the moment someone opens up and shows us vulnerability and their deepest secrets, we run away. Or we say we aren’t ready because…

We look for instant gratification in everything we do. We are so used to it that it effortlessly plays into our love lives. We just have to ask Siri, plug in our address to a GPS, open up a dating app, post on social media, click one button to have our car parallel park for us, listen to that song we have in our mind by one click on iTunes, tell Alexa to order us milk, use our thumbprints to pass security in the airport, not go to the grocery store because now it can be delivered to your door … We live a life in which human interaction is taken out and we are gratified in an instant. We expect the same thing in our love lives so we get easily distracted.

Now we believe in “having options” when in reality this is just a bandage to ignore having to do any real work. We’d rather spend an hour each day with a hundred people via social media than spend a day with one. We meet people but we avoid getting to know who they truly are. We find a flaw and say it won’t work instead of encouraging a partnership to bring out the best in that one person. We want them to be perfect because we can be perfect with a tap of a finger on an app. 

In modern relationships, we might date a lot of people but rarely give them a real chance. We’re a generation in which sex is easy. We love to “hook up” because we want to feel good. Sex comes easily but loyalty doesn’t. Whatever happened to the thrill in the chase and loving deeper? We are a generation living based on fear of love. We are fearful of falling in love and getting hurt, commitment, being with one person, not being good enough, or getting our hearts broken. We blame someone else for their shortcomings when we need to realize that these are walls we created ourselves. The thought of bearing our soul to someone frightens us and we look at vulnerability as a weakness, so we put up this wall. Vulnerability deeply frightens us, but what we need to recognize is the thing that we truly want… 

The things that we deeply desire, the things that are generally fulfilling, all require patience, work, energy, compassion, self-love, honesty, time, and trust. The challenge is that we want to be with someone who makes us happy when we haven’t found how to make ourselves truly happy. The easy way out is stating we don’t want a relationship… but at the end of the day we actually really, really do. When we stop letting the superficial and instant gratification feelings interfere with what we really want, we will experience a breakthrough.

I encourage you to take a step back and look at the ways that you are not making an effort to be the best version of you. What are you scared of and what might be holding you back?

Love and relationships are not always taught to us hence we are lost when we come into our adulthood. We end up doing the wrong things or adapting to how society portrays modern relationships, but that’s not the answer. The answer is to look inside and make sure you are being honest with yourself. Allow yourself to be honest and become the best version of yourself that you can be. Pay attention to your behaviors and always work towards self-improvement. Knowing how to love is different than understanding how to love. When you have the true understanding of love, you can start to plant the seed for the tree to finally blossom into something spectacular.

The root of that tree starts with you.

So, let me ask you this.

Can you be your true self?

The Mind Readers

“You’re a psychologist, you can read minds”. In my short span of working as a psychologist, I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve been told this statement. The perception of anyone working in the field of psychology is skewed and not aligned with reality hence I decided to write this article to clear some of these flawed perceptions.

Therapists are humans too. And we can make mistakes just like any other. Take for example Sigmund Freud, the father of psychology. He had serious cognitive distortions and lived a quite questionable lifestyle. In 1899 Sigmund Freud got a new telephone number: 14362. He was 43 at the time, and he was profoundly disturbed by the digits in the new number. He believed they signified that he would die at age 61 (note the one and six surrounding the 43) or, at best, at age 62 (the last two digits in the number). He clung, painfully, to this bizarre belief for many years. Presumably, he was forced to revise his estimate on his 63rd birthday, but he was haunted by other superstitions until the day he died—by assisted suicide, no less—at the ripe old age of 83.

That's just for starters. He refused to quit smoking even after 30 operations to correct the extensive damage he suffered from cancer of the jaw. He was a self-proclaimed neurotic. He suffered from a mild form of agoraphobia. And, for a time, he had a serious cocaine problem.

Neuroses? Superstitions? Substance abuse? And suicide? So much for the father of psychoanalysis. But are these problems typical for psychologists? How are Freud's successors doing? Or, to put the question another way: Are shrinks really "crazy"?

Being a psychologist, so the truth is that I had some preconceptions about this topic before I began to investigate it. When, years ago, my relative who "Only a crazy person can treat another crazy," I assumed, or at least hoped, that she was joking. Mental health professionals have access to special tools and techniques to help themselves through the perils of living, right?

Sure, Freud was peculiar, and, yes, I'd heard that Jung had a nervous breakdown. But I'd always assumed that—rumors to the contrary notwithstanding;—mental health professionals were probably fairly healthy.

Turns out I was wrong.

Doctor, Are You Feeling Okay?

Mental health professionals are, in general, a fairly crazy lot—at least as troubled as the general population. This may sound depressing, but, it’s not in itself a serious problem. In fact, some experts believe that therapists who have suffered in certain ways may be the very best therapists we have.

The problem is that mental health professionals—particularly psychologists—do a poor job of monitoring their own mental health problems and those of their colleagues. We are expected to have a “mental health professional robe” on 24* 7 and having emotions is seen as unacceptable. To match these expectations, we end up ignoring or trivializing our emotional distress.

This gradually like other individuals grow and manifest into “inappropriate” behavior. Considering that we are surrounded by tools and have the resources to these issues, we are told not to need it in the first place. We are questioned on humanly errors and emotions.

Let’s go deeper into our lives.  Imagine yourself listening to stories of grief, loss, death, individuals sobbing, mourning, anger, rage, assault, betrayal, conflicts between loved ones, dysfunctional life, criminal behavior, etc. for hours, every single day. How would an individual feel? How would an individual react at the end of the day? A special, intimate relationship exists between therapist and client, we invest our lives to help the client. A basic and most important skill of a mental health professional is empathy- keeping oneself in the client’s shoes. Some go through actual life-threatening situations. According to a number of research studies done on the life of a mental health professional, more than half of all therapists in India are at some point threatened with physical violence by their clients, and about 40 percent are actually attacked.

Try to put this in context. Needless to say, they feel more vulnerable and less competent, and sometimes the feelings of inadequacy trickle over into their personal relationships.

Virtually all mental health professionals agree that the profession is inherently hazardous. It takes superhuman strength for most people just to listen to a neighbor moan about his lousy marriage for 15 minutes.

Psychologists, of course, enter the profession by choice, but you can imagine the effects of listening to clients talk about a never-ending litany of serious problems -- eight long hours a day, 50 weeks a year. "My parents hated me. Life isn't worth living. I'm a failure. I'm impotent. On the way over here, I felt like driving my car into a cliff. I'll never be happy. No one understands me. I don't know who I am. I hate my job. I hate my life. I hate you."

Just thinking about it makes you shudder.

It's a Rough World Out There

Clients aren't the only source of stress for mental health professionals. The world itself is pretty demanding. After all, that's why there are clients. Statistics about therapists' lives and well-being prove that at least three out of four therapists have experienced major distress within the past three years, the principal cause being relationship problems More than 60 percent may have suffered a clinically significant depression at some point in their lives.

Therapists are chronically anxious. It's getting harder and harder to make a living, harder to provide quality care. The paperwork requirements are enormous. You can't have a meeting of practicing psychologists today without having these issues being raised, and the pain level is rising. A number of my colleagues have been driven out of the profession altogether. Mental health professionals commit suicide at rates about twice those expected of physicians. Among psychologists, it showed a rate of suicide for female psychologists is three times that of the general population. Wait there’s more. Many also tend to alcohol and substance dependency – Sigmund Freud being a great example.

We don’t know when and how to take time off. The sense of responsibility for a client is what drives us to have no retirement date.

If therapists really have special tools for helping people, shouldn't they be able to use their techniques on themselves? When mental health professionals treat clients, they follow the prescriptions of their theoretical orientation. But the amazing thing is that when therapists treat themselves, they become very pragmatic. In other words, when battling their own problems, therapists dispense with the psychobabble and fall back on every day, common-sense techniques—chats with friends, meditation, hot baths, and so on. Also, a therapist seeking therapy will face questions on his/ her credibility.

Hence, we need to bridge the gap between people’s perception and the reality of mental health professionals. We not only face a layman’s problems, but we face other layman’s problems too. 

Hence expectations from us must be kept realistic – humanly.

A Reality Check: SUICIDE

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m a burden anyway. I am a failure and there is no point of my existence. I should rather die than live this misery”. These thoughts must have crossed your mind at least once, and often you can brush it off, but what happens when someone can’t?

The rate of suicide has been ever so increasing and becoming a “common” phenomenon. Teens taking their lives while playing video games, college students ending their lives due to low grades, fight with your spouse, loss in business leads to cutting the wrists, jumping down the building, taking pills and the list goes on.

We have so driven to win a race which actually has no end that a setback or a mistake is absolutely unacceptable. We rather end one’s life than live or think about overcoming the setbacks.

The World Health The organization estimates that approximately 1 million people die each year from suicide. To those who are not in the grips of suicidal depression and despair, it’s difficult to understand what drives so many individuals to take their own lives. But a suicidal person is in so much pain that he or she can see no other option.

Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can’t see any way of finding relief except through death. But despite their desire for the pain to stop.

It’s extremely disappointing to see how our human civilization is evolving. The value of living is equated by the balance we have in our accounts or marks we obtained.  Setbacks, mistakes, the downfall is so unacceptance that we make it our end. We are deriving an apocalypse on ourselves. There are cognitive distortions such as- generalizations, magnification, all or nothing thinking, polarized thinking.

Common myths of suicide.

Myth: People who talk about suicide won’t really do it.

Fact: Almost everyone who attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Don’t ignore even indirect references to death or suicide. Statements like “You’ll be sorry when I’m gone,” “I can’t see any way out,”—no matter how casually or jokingly said—may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

Myth: Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy.

Fact: Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They are upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness.

Myth: If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop them.

Fact: Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want death; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

Myth: People who die by suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.

Fact: Studies of suicide victims have shown that more than half had sought medical help in the six months before their deaths.

There is no reason to be ashamed of the thought. We all have been in that place. Seeking help is essential cause YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Although we are aware and talk about the overt methods of ending one’s life, there is a covert way to do so too. We should be aware of the slow death techniques people are dwelling on around us to help them get out of it.

Indulging in activities that are a threat to your life like substance abuse, alcohol, binge eating, poor or extreme appetite, staying in a toxic relationship, isolation, lack of grooming, risk-taking behaviors like gambling, reckless driving, etc. are also covert methods to commit suicide.

Remember

Some of the finest, most admired, needed, and talented people have been where you are now. The pain of depression can be treated and hope can be renewed. No matter what your situation, some people need you, places where you can make a difference, and experiences that can remind you that life is worth living. It takes real courage to face death and step back from the brink. You can use that courage to face life, to learn coping skills for overcoming depression, and for finding the strength to keep going. 

Your emotions are not fixed. They are constantly changing. How you feel today may not be the same as how you felt yesterday or how you’ll feel tomorrow or next week. Your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions.

Feeling suicidal is not a character defect. It doesn’t mean you are crazy or weak or flawed. It only means you are coping with pain right now. This pain seems overwhelming and permanent at this moment. However, with time and support, you will overcome your problems and this feeling of pain will pass. It’s time to end this epidemic

Relationships 💓

We all play different roles with different people. At work you’re a colleague, boss, part of a team. At home you’re a roommate, girlfriend, boyfriend, sibling, wife, husband, son daughter, mother, father you’re a friend etc. Relationships are always evolving. They change, they grow and sometimes they crash and they burn. We never can be definite about how the future will look when each kind of awful habit start to show themselves publicly, or under the influence of alcohol or in-laws. We have certain responsibilities towards one another and all are a relationship filled with love and affection towards one another. But what if the relationship starts being the reason to make you feel worthless about yourself, causes nothing but stress, there is abuse involved physical or emotionally. These relationships cause toxicity in your lives, but why do we only talk about toxic relationship only between couples?

Ever wondered how a friends constant battering can be such a negative influence over you? Or a mother’s constant reminder of you not being good enough does to your self esteem? I am not saying that your friend and mother don’t love you, but is this relationship making you blossom or rot? Why do we feel obliged to deal with this toxicity in the name of love?

We LOVE, love of course we do. We are culturally trained and made to believe that you parents are god and they speak nothing but the truth but we forget that they are humans just like you and I. They have their flaws and sometimes illness to deal with them. Your friends don’t always want the best for you. Their statements can come out from jealousy, revenge or just their lack of understanding. We are blindfolded by our core beliefs that they can never be wrong and hence don’t even realize that we are drowning in their toxicity. The worst is we don’t even realize their negative influence until we are full grown adults or deep in their friendhship.

Before we understand point fingers, we will talk about what is a Toxic relationship.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. A toxic person will float through life with a trail of broken hearts, broken relationships and broken people behind them, but toxic relationships don’t necessarily end up that way because the person you fell for turned out to be a toxic one. Relationships can start healthy, but bad feelings, bad history, or long-term unmet needs can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it. It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people.

Can it be fixed?

All relationships are worth a fight until they’re not. In a Toxic Relationship there will always be a fallout.

×          Moodiness, Unhappiness, anger outbursts becomes the norm.

×         You start dreading to meet the person or be in contact.

×         Work and relationship outside starts to suffer

If the relationship is toxic, it is highly likely that all the fight in the world won’t change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on. Perhaps they were never really there in the first place, or not in the way you needed them to be anyway.

Even worse, if your relationship is toxic, you will be more and more damaged by staying in it. Fighting to hold on to something that is not fighting to hold on to you will ruin you. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go with grace and love and move on.

Signs you are in a toxic relationship:

It feels bad. All the time.

You feel hollow before you sleep and you feel the same after. You see others in the same relationship flourishing and happy. “Why couldn’t that sort of love happen to me?” you’ll constantly wonder. Leaving a relationship is never easy but staying such a relationship will make sure you’re eroded with all the love, dignity and self confidence you have.

You’re constantly braced with “gotcha”.

       Sometimes you see it coming, but sometimes its covered in the warm blanket they tuck you in.        Questions become traps. “ Wouldn’t  you rather meet me than go out with the other friend?”            When the ‘gotcha’ comes, there’s no forgiveness, just the glory of catching you out. It’s                     impossible to move forward from this. Everyone makes mistakes, but yours are used as proof             that you’re too uninvested, too wrong, too stupid, too something. The only thing you really are is       too good to be treated like this.

You avoid saying anything cause there’s just no point.

We all have important needs in relationships. Some of the big ones are connection, validation, appreciation, love, sex, affection. When those needs are mocked or ignored, the emptiness of that unmet need will clamour like an old church bell. If your attempts to talk about what you need end in a fight, a(nother) empty promise, accusations of neediness, insecurity, jealousy or madness you’ll either bury the need or resent that it keeps being overlooked. Either way, it’s toxic.

There’s no effort from him/her.

Standing on a dance floor doesn’t make you a dancer, and being physically present in a relationship doesn’t mean there is an investment being made in that relationship.

Doing things separately sometimes is healthy, but as with all healthy things, too much is too much. When there is no effort to love you, spend time with you, share the things that are important to you, the relationship stops giving and starts taking too much. There comes a point that the only way to respond to ‘Well I’m here, aren’t I?’ is, ‘Yeah. But maybe better if you weren’t.’

All the work comes and effort comes from you.

Nobody can hold a relationship together when they are the only one doing the work. It’s lonely and it’s exhausting. If you’re not able to leave the relationship, give what you need to give but don’t give any more than that. Let go of the fantasy that you can make things better if you try hard enough, work hard enough, say enough, do enough. Stop. Just stop. You’re enough. You always have been. 

When “No” becomes a dirty word.

 ‘No’ is an important word in any relationship. Don’t strike it from your vocabulary, even in the name of love – especially not in the name of love. Healthy relationships need compromise but they also respect the needs and wants of both people. Communicating what you want is as important for you and the relationship as communicating what you don’t want. Find your ‘no’, give it a polish, and know where the release button is. A loving partner will respect that you’re not going to agree with everything they say or do. If you’re only accepted when you’re saying ‘yes’, it’s probably time to say ‘no’ to the relationship. And if you’re worried about the gap you’re leaving, buy your soon-to-be ex some putty. Problem solved.

There’s a score card. Let me show you, you’re wrong.

One of the glorious things about being human is that making mistakes is all part of what we do. It’s how we learn, how we grow, and how we find out the people who don’t deserve us. Even the most loving, individuals will do hurtful, stupid things sometimes. When those things are brought up over and over, it will slowly kill even the healthiest relationship and keep the ‘guilty’ person small. At some point, there has to be a decision to move on or move out. Having shots continually fired at you based on history is a way to control, shame and manipulate. Healthy relationships nurture your strengths. Toxic ones focus on your weaknesses.

There’s always battle. And you’re alone as always.

Relationship is a teamwork. You need to know that whatever happens, you have each other’s backs, at least publicly. In healthy relationships, when the world starts throwing stones, the team comes together and fortifies the wall around each other. Toxic relationships often see one person going it alone when it comes to public put-downs. Similarly, when attempts are made from outside the relationship to divide and conquer, the couple is divided and conquered as easily as if they were never together in the first place.

Physical or verbal abuse.

You know the difference when it said for fun and when its really meant.

These are deal-breakers. You know they are.

“Im not angry but I’ll ignore you.”

Passive-aggressive behaviour is an indirect attack and a cowardly move for control. The toxicity lies in stealing your capacity to respond and for issues to be dealt with directly. The attack is subtle and often disguised as something else, such as anger disguised as indifference ‘whatever’ or ‘I’m fine’; manipulation disguised as permission ‘I’ll just stay at home by myself while you go out and have fun,’ and the worst – a villain disguised as a hero, ‘You seem really tired baby. We don’t have to go out tonight. You just stay in and cook us some dinner and do the house chores.

You know the action or the behaviour was designed to manipulate you or hurt you, because you can feel the scrape, but it’s not obvious enough to respond to the real issue. If it’s worth getting upset about, it’s worth talking about, but passive-aggressive behaviour shuts down any possibility of this.

Nothing gets resolved.

Every relationship will have its issues. In a toxic relationship, nothing gets worked through because any conflict ends in an argument. There is no trust that the other person will have the capacity to deal with the issue in a way that is safe and preserves the connection. When this happens, needs get buried, and in a relationship, unmet needs will always feed resentment. 

Whatever you’re going through, I’m going through worse.

In a healthy relationship, both people need their turn at being the supported and the supporter. In a toxic relationship, even if you’re the one in need of support, the focus will always be on the other person. ‘I know you’re really sick and can’t get out of bed but it’s soooo stressful for me because now I have to go to the party by myself. Next Saturday I get to choose what we do. K?[sad emoji, balloon emoji, heart emoji, another heart emoji, lips emoji].’

Privacy. What Privacy?

Unless you’ve done something to your partner that you shouldn’t have, like, you know, forgot you had one  on ‘Singles Saturday’, then you deserve to be trusted. Everybody deserves some level of privacy and healthy relationships can trust that this won’t be misused. If the individual constantly goes through your receipts, phone bills, text messages this shows a toxic level of control. It’s demeaning. You’re an adult and don’t need constantly supervision. 

The lies. OH THE LIES!

Lying and cheating will dissolve trust as if it was never there to begin with. Once trust is so far gone, it’s hard to get it back. It might come back in moments or days, but it’s likely that it will always feel fragile – just waiting for the wrong move. A relationship without trust can turn strong, healthy people into something they aren’t naturally – insecure, jealous and suspicious. The toxicity of this lies in the slow erosion of confidence. Sometimes all the fight in the world can’t repair trust when it’s badly broken. 

Know when enough is enough. It’s not your fault that the trust was broken, but it’s up to you to make sure that you’re not broken next.

Big decisions are for important people and you’re clearly not one of them.

If you’re sharing your life with someone, it’s critical that you have a say in the decisions that will affect you. If your friend, partner, sibling or parent’s  opinions and feelings will always be important, and so are yours. Your voice is an important one. A loving person in the context of a healthy relationship will value your thoughts and opinions, not pretend that they don’t exist or assume theirs are more important.

I think I might be in a toxic relationship. What now?

×          If it’s toxic, it’s changing you and it’s time to leave or put up a very big wall. Be clear about where the relationship starts and where you begin. Keep your distance emotionally and think of it as something to be MANAGED, rather than something to be beaten or understood. Look for the patterns and look for the triggers. Then, be mindful about what is okay and what isn’t. Above all else, know that you are strong, complete and vital. Don’t buy into any tiny-hearted, close-minded push that would have you believe otherwise. You’re amazing.

And Finally…

          There are plenty of reasons you might end up in a toxic relationship, none of which have nothing to do with strength of character or courage.

Sometimes the toxicity grows and blindsides you and by the time you realize, it’s too late – the cost of leaving might feel too high or there may be limited options.  

Toxicity in any relationship doesn’t make sense. In an attempt to make it make sense, you might blame history, circumstance or your own behavior. The truth is that none of this matters. It doesn’t matter where the toxicity comes from or the reason for it being there. 

Love and happiness don’t always go together. The world would run so much smoother if they did, but it just doesn’t happen like that. Love can be a dirty little liar sometimes. Staying in a relationship should never have losing yourself as one of the conditions. You’re far too important for that. 

It’s important to make sacrifices in relationships but your happiness, self-esteem and self-respect should always be on the list – always. If a relationship is built on love, it nurtures, restores, replenishes and revives. It doesn’t diminish. It isn’t cruel and it doesn’t ever violate a warm, open heart. Everything you need to be happy is in you. When you are with someone who suffocates those precious parts of you, be alive to the damage they are doing. You owe them nothing, you owe yourself everything. You deserve to thrive and to feel safe, and you deserve to be happy.

Friendship

As a toddler I used this word more than occasionally - I’m your friend na, so  share your colour pencils with me” or only I did. ( I was extremely fond of stationary) 

But what does it actually mean? Someone who helps you when you’re in trouble.

But the watchman always helps me when I can’t parallel park, so does he also become my friend?

Or someone you can laugh with?  Well that means my phone is my best friend, cause I cant stop ROFLing reading Memes. 

Or someone you can cry with? 

Well I cried so much with my cat when I used to have a hard time at work.

The truth is everyone is your friend and play different kinds of roles in your life. 

Whether it’s your creepy bench-mate, your watchman or your cat!

The Great Charles Darwin also taught us, evolution was possible by kinship. 

We all, as humans need social support. We are Social Animals who need one another, whether it’s hunting or food gathering or now helping someone parallel park.

 Friends are not only limited to who are your age similar background. There is friendship in every individual regardless of their role, size, race, occupation and gender.

We play different roles, support eachother as friends - parents who play with their child, classmates who study together sharing notes, teachers who would encourage a student in times of failure, roommates who you share your beers with, neighbours who you would share your Sunday meals with, your tapri wala who you go regularly to, your liftman who you complain about other tenants with, your house keeper who you gossip about Salman Khan movies with,your love partner who you share all your vulnerabilities with, your work colleague who you share a desk with, your boss- who criticises you for your mistakes and the list goes on.

If we start treating each and everyone around us as friends, you’ll never hesitate to help one another, you will support everyone around, criticisms will be taken positively, no one will ever feel lonely. 

Therefore, listen to your neighbour rant,  a good morning with a smile to your watchman can make his day, ask your house keeper how is her child, pour your heart out to your pet even if it feels ridiculous, take your parents out for dinner on a Friday night,  talk about how the local trains are always late waiting for one at the station or hear them rant about it, bitch about your boss to your tapri wala, tell “your boss you look pretty today, or that colour doesn’t suit you as much as the other ”.

A genuine conversation makes us feel supported, heard and important.

Cases of Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Domestic violence, Substance abuse, bullying, and the list continues can be prevented if we treat each other as friends not objects.

We will take responsibility of being kind, non-judgemental, empathetic to one another.

You will not hear anyone say “I have no-one ” cause look around- the whole world is your

Friend.

Happy friendship day!

Let's learn about the weather...

We all are aware about Depression but did you know about how a season can actually affect your mood?  Each year the gloomy weather of Monsoon drags down thousands of Indians, sapping them of energy and cheer. Thousands more find themselves not only blue, but genuinely depressed. For those with Seasonal Affective Disorder, winter kicks off an annual cycle of unusually negative thoughts, heightened carb cravings, unwanted weight gain, and an overwhelming need to sleep.

As the clouds become darker and darker, and morning isn’t beginning with a bright blue sky, it seems like there the day is no light at the end of the day. No tomorrow to make you feel fresh and give you energy. This seems to be trigger.

A lack of sunlight means our brains produce less serotonin, a neurotransmitter that affects our mood. Conversely, the added hours of darkness may also contribute by cueing the production of melatonin, a sleep-related hormone.

But there's more to it than sunlight. Women are more susceptible to all types of depression. In fact, women ages 20 to 40 are twice as likely as their male counterparts to be diagnosed with SAD, likely owing to a hormonal link. But men aren't immune—especially if depression runs in their family.

If SAD symptoms and risk factors are sounding all too familiar, your first line of defense is to get out and move. Bring some workout regime at home since you can’t step out in the dirty puddles. We can also go for long drives, embracing the rains, (rain sounds classic romantic according Bollywood Wikipedia). Exercise can help, and if you really want to do a double whammy on your monsoon depression, go work out in the morning, if your schedule permits. Morning ray of sunlight will most effectively boost your mood.

Be conscious of your eating habits, too. While starches and carbs such as bhajiyas are the very foods SAD sufferers tend to crave, he says they'll only give a quick fix and may ultimately lead to weight gain—not the optimal way to curb depression. Gravitate toward proteins and low-glycemic foods, instead, i.e., food that don't send carbohydrates resulting your heart soaring.

But if you don't find relief in exercise, morning sunshine, and a healthy diet—and if you can't migrate to Hawaii until spring when symptoms typically subside it's likely time to get professional help. If it's really interfering with your ability to go to work, to have a good time with family, and be productive, then it's always worth starting off by talking to a professional.

A health professional can administer tests to ensure it's not another condition masquerading as SAD. She can also get a sense of your family's history of depression and gauge if your symptoms reoccur every season, or if you may just be having a rough couple of months.

If it is indeed SAD, there are treatments. At the end of the day, this is depression. Forms of treatment that work for depression often work for SAD. Doctors may suggest cognitive behavioral therapy to help patients recognize and curb irrationally negative thoughts, or prescribe antidepressants.

But the most popular treatment route is light therapy, which can be used either on its own or in addition to one or both of the above options. Light-therapy boxes emit artificial light to help compensate for a lack of sunlight. Small, portable boxes are often equipped with LED lights, while larger boxes are often outfitted with florescent lights. Whichever type you choose, simply sit in front of it for 30 to 45 minutes per day. No need to stare into the light, so long as it's illuminating the area around the eyes.

Light therapy is generally safe, and consumers can buy the boxes online without permission from a doctor. Light boxes are not regulated by the Food and Drug Administration, however, doing your homework before investing, reading the instructions, and making sure there's a return policy. I suggest that people look for devices that have been used by researchers at major universities or by Dr. Rosenthal in studies, because we all have to study the safety and effectiveness of what we use.

If buying a light box on your own seems daunting, check in with a doctor first. It never hurts to see someone who is familiar with the treatment and get guidance along the way.